These couple of days I feel my mind is all over the place. I cannot focus on any task, I am not productive despite the stressful deadlines coming up…Still I can not control my mind. The monster is unleashed :)
With all the efforts I have been trying to exert on my mind all I could achieve are instantaneous moments or snapshots of attention but nothing close to an attention span; 15 minutes of full focus seems like New Year’s resolution. Okay I exaggerated a bit, it is not that bad but still :) I am not used to it. I am usually this productive person and it bugs me that I cannot do my best at the task in hand.
Start by identifying the root of the problem they say :) Okaay, easy!
The problem is simply a thought, a thought that is residing at the back of mind, a really dark malignant one though, one that slowly spreads in your mind until it takes over it. I have been trying to silence it for quite some time now because I don’t have the strength to deal with it and it makes me very upset.
As I am writing this now, a random guy at Starbucks found it perfectly fine to take off his shoes and lay his bare feet on the chair right in front of me. So every time I would look away from my laptop screen, I would find his toes staring at me (hahahah). How lovely is it to get inspired by some random guy’s feet? Just Lovely!
Enough of weirdness and back to my drama, shall we? :)
It is actually a very simple thought, it goes like this:
Even the closest people to you can turn their back at you ; they can even turn against you. There is always a tiny chance this could happen. People will ALWAYS put themselves first. Admit it, it is basic human nature.
In certain situations, if people feel the slightest fear that you would go against their wishes, their needs or their strongest desires, they will not hesitate for a second to let go of you.
You might be wondering yeah so what, that’s what we are supposed to do right? we must prioritise ourselves…and I do agree, they is no problem in that.
However in some cases, people take this to a surprising extreme. They transform completely and you suddenly realise that those closest to your heart are now complete strangers to you. It is an amazing phenomena just like werewolves transformation on the full moon.
You have definitely been acquainted with the “close” friend who decides to cut you off because they fantasised that you WOULD be jealous of the job offer they got, or that you WOULD NOT be happy for them…or of the cousin who stopped talking to you because you WOULD think they are currently into a toxic relationship and WOULD give them “that” look of be careful…or even the “best” friend (“the one that is almost a brother to you” ) that assumed you WOULD be jealous because you don’t have a boyfriend and now they do….
It is like this person no longer knows you; and you don’t recognise them either. They acted based on some assumption about you that are not even close to reality.
So at the core, it doesn’t really matter how long you have known a person nor how close you were. There is always a chance that you will be replaced, forgotten, even considered an enemy. It happened before and will continue to happen.
The upsetting thought is that “there are NO GUARANTEES in life”. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything can change… especially people.
On the bright side though, if things can change, it might occur, just might, that they change for the better as well :)
I just realized that I have completely drifted far away from the main topic I wanted to discuss in this article, but I hope it is okay. I can resume later because now I am very hungry, and I can’t even think when I am hungry…..So, without further ado….TO BE CONTINUED….:)