Yesterday evening, I completely lost it that I cut my own hair really really short, like really short…..and guess what I hate it (Surprise! :D).
I have no clue how this started in the first place nor where did I find the courage to actually sit though it. What I am sure of though, is that I am pretty unstable during this period and that this event is nothing but a manifestation of an underlying problem.
I feel like a puppet sometimes… controlled and manipulated by little personas inside of me. Depending on the situation, a different character would show off and take control. For instance, being able to reflect on the situation and write this article actually reveals a lot of characteristics of my wise, calm personality that I call ‘Shifo’ (inspired by Master Shifo from Kung Fu Panda :)) Shifo is the wise old master that can analyse, reflect and guide. People who know me are probably well aware that Shifo is asleep most of the times :D ; he rarely takes control. But for the sake of this article, I woke him up :D
With that being said, let me introduce you to the super-star character of yesterday’s haircut, little ‘Guardi’. Below is his explanation of what happened yesterday.
I ran out of ideas…You were constantly ignoring my voice, my hints and alerts to you. Something is not right deep down here... in the dark subconscious room of your mind, and you have to act upon it. As the guardian of your subconscious , it is my job to drag your attention to the gravity of the situation. Mr. ‘Anger’ is starting to take over the control room. He has beaten up Mrs. ‘Confidence’ who is lying now in the intensive care. ‘Shifo’ tried to interfere but he is not that strong at the moment as you can tell by now.
You surely know how he is, Anger I mean. He is lean towards self-destruction and would make sure to ruin your life completely. I couldn’t just stand and watch this happen. So I sneaked in into the control room in the middle of the night, took over your mind and made you do this beautiful cut (:D I genuinely think it is not that bad though, and that you would love it as soon as you calm down…or at least that is what I hoped for, otherwise we would have to deal with another Confidence crisis). Genius, right! Now every time you see your reflection you know something is off and decide to take some actions, such as …STOP IGNORING MY MESSAGES! Love you still Foufi :*
I am this person who refuses to easily admit that I am not doing well . Whenever, it senses a threat, my inner voice starts echoing “I am doing okay, we are fine! I am in control” while this could be far from true. I recently realized how unhealthy this could be. But I guess I learnt my lesson or at least I hope so because honestly I don’t want to go through another hair cut :).
So can we control our minds? Well, I say not always. Sometimes, it really is okay to loose control, to break into pieces, to feel stranger to your own self. The crucial part though is to let yourself heal, to stop beating yourself up for feeling weak, ask for help.